do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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