She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
