I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
