Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
