You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
