Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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