new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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