My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
