then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
