its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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