my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
