She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
