Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
