I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
