guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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