so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
