if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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