so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Randomize