She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
