her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
