3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
