I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
