I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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