I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
