Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
