I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
