I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
