dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
