i permit you to call me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
