I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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