I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
