so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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