you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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