So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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