i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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