i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
