I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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