She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
