Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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