just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
