oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
