my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
