i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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