We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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