I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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