pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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