So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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