before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize