I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
