he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
