my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
