On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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