is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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