he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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