I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
