My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
