I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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