So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
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Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
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Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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