awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
