it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
