You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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