I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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