I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
