Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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