he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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