Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
