Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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