I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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