So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
tell me about the fingering
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
