I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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