considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
