piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it's great music for shaving your balls
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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