i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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