If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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