420 ftw
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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