It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I would fuck him just for his dog
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
