I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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