it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
