The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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