I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
