You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
