I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
someone owes me an orgasm
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
